Dirty Dirty Santa…Parties

I normally post about five times a week. After last week, especially Friday, the wind was totally sucked out of my sails and then I had to work all weekend. Which was good for me as I am much happier busy than idle. I had time to think of some funny for you so after much research-here are my ideas for that fun Dirty Santa or White Elephant Christmas party you have to go to!

These are the parties that you go to where you choose a number, then choose a gift, unwrap it, look excited then trade it for something you like better.  Stealing the popular gift can make enemies. There are rules :  1.  Never steal the cute holiday plate set from the top sales agent in the office.  Especially if you are new.  2.  Never steal the bottle of Grey Goose and Makers Mark from the nicest agent in the office, especially if you are a vendor visiting the party and brought a crappy vendor logo cooler no one wants. 3.  If you hate your gift, don’t keep yelling about it and begging people to take it.  This is obnoxious, and makes the giver of that crappy gift feel even crappier.  4.  Even though they usually have one or two extra gifts for the losers who forget to bring one and want to participate, at the very least drop a $10 in the bucket and you will be good.

There is always one or two that are NOT white elephants that everyone is jonesing for. Usually brought by the most insecure person in the room looking for validation and more friends. I call them the Dirty SantaHOLES. They make you feel bad that you wrapped up that Claxton Fruit Cake in reused Christmas tissue paper when they brought the designer tree skirt everyone is stealing from everyone in the room. So let’s get creative!

What I found this week:

FARTING SANTA

Christmas Toilet Seat

I've ALWAYS wanted to sit on santa's face...eBay

I’ve ALWAYS wanted to sit on santa’s face…eBay

Santa Troll Doll

Nothing like a TROLL that ends up under your tree

Nothing like a TROLL that ends up under your tree

Penis Pasta

Ahhhhh, ALFREDO!

Ahhhhh, ALFREDO!

I Love My Vibrator Coffee Cup

Now, ALL your coworkers will know! Avail on eBay

Now, ALL your coworkers will know! Avail on eBay

Men’s Christmas Thong

Get that Elf off your shelf and into your boudoir!

Get that Elf off your shelf and into your boudoir!

Monkey Butt Powder

Available at Amazon...

Available at Amazon…

Lady Gaga Singing Tooth Brush

There are just no words...

There are just no words…

I went to one of these events yesterday at my office. Since it was co-ed, the case of Guinness beer (along with a framed photo of the gifter) was the big hit.  There were also some people who took ‘dirty’ Santa literally.  There was a Fifty Shades of Grey CD, a sex board game, a mask and whip set, and sanitary booties. Okay….

I’m thinking there was a theme here…

Happy gift giving, from the Mermaid!

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